Mac Hassett Interviews Joe Callan

The following exclusive took place online at 9PM, July the 4th, 2005. You're damn sorry you missed it.




Mac Hassett: Do you like funk music?
MrJoeEditorial: Yes.
Mac Hassett: Have you ever seen a chimpanzee intimidate a tiger with a stick?
MrJoeEditorial: No, but if I only could.
Mac Hassett: Have you ever seen a car explode?
MrJoeEditorial: Only on TV.
Mac Hassett: Are you pro- or anti-teleportation?
MrJoeEditorial: Pro so long as there's no flies around. Bears are ok.
Mac Hassett: That would kick ass.
MrJoeEditorial: I mean, they're mammals, they're huge and strong, and I've always wanted a snout.
Mac Hassett: And you'd get to hibernate.
MrJoeEditorial: Yes, that would be sweet. And swipe pic-i-nic baskets.
Mac Hassett: And piss off the ranger. Have you ever seen an eclipse?
MrJoeEditorial: I've seen a full lunar eclipse and a partial solar eclipse once.
Mac Hassett: Did its appearance strike you as strange?
MrJoeEditorial: The solar one hurt my eyes for a couple weeks.
Mac Hassett: Yeah, I'd probably look at it too, even if it did hurt my eyes. What year do you think mankind will land on mars?
MrJoeEditorial: 2018. This is provided no big ugly shit breaks out, and that doesn't look good.
Mac Hassett: Do you like spaghetti?
MrJoeEditorial: Almost always.
Mac Hassett: When is it not acceptable?
MrJoeEditorial: With really watery canned red sauce.
Mac Hassett: Have you ever been mountain climbing?
MrJoeEditorial: Mt. Marcy is the highest peak in New York State, but I wouldn't have called it "climbing"
Mac Hassett: More of a hike?
MrJoeEditorial: Pretty much. On the other hand I've scaled some pretty nasty gorges.
Mac Hassett: where is Mt. Marcy located?
MrJoeEditorial: The Adirondacks. Herkimer county?
Mac Hassett: Yes, I've been to Herkimer. What exactly is a gorge? I've heard the term in relation to mountains, rivers.
MrJoeEditorial: Well, I grew up in the finger lakes region of New York. They're glacial lakes that are basically giant potholes. After thousands of years of rain, you get gigantic runoff streams that empty into the lakes, and the runoff wears down the path, creating little canyons. This is a gorge, at least as I know it.
Mac Hassett: Ah, I've actually scaled a gorge. While I was high one time, me and a friend of mine decided to do it spontaneously. I think that was in Massachusetts.
MrJoeEditorial: Being high helps in those situations, mainly because you don't want to be the first person to die high while climbing a gorge. It's the pressure of ruining it for everyone else.
Mac Hassett: Yeah. I was definitely trying extra hard. Have you ever had a dog?
MrJoeEditorial: Throughout most of my early life I had a German Shepherd.
Mac Hassett: That's a good dog. Any rabbits?
MrJoeEditorial: Nope.
Mac Hassett: Lizards?
MrJoeEditorial: I hade an anole once. It's like a little gecko. I won it at a carnival and it lasted for something like 5 years.
Mac Hassett: Not bad. Thanks for your time this evening.
MrJoeEditorial: My Pleasure.